Two "Little Women"

It was a frustrating experience, first grade.

I remember about the third week in, I realized that we were going to spend the first quarter learning to blend sounds ("sp", "ch", "gr"... you get the idea). I had just finished reading my first Nancy Drew novel, was enjoying reading National Geographic magazine, and was beginning to read Little Women. I suddenly understood that it was going to be a very long and boring year.

About 5 months ago, I realized that Mermaid Princess was closing in on six, the same age I was in my first devouring of Little Women. It didn't seem possible 5 months ago that she would soon be ready and willing to read this book that meant so much to me. She was still chewing on Milly Molly Mandy and The Magic School Bus and showed no inclination to move on to heavier fare.

Monday, I was rooting around in my closet and found the stack of classics I have been saving. Little Women was among them, and I sat down to read it yet again (does this make the 14th or 15th time?) I still cannot bear that Jo chooses not to marry Lawrence - honestly, what is wrong with that girl?

MP had finished her library books (pretty much in one big feast), so this Tuesday, I presented her with Little Women. Wednesday morning, as I began to prepare lunch, a stricken little face entered the kitchen with the book held out in some sort of horror in front of her.

"Mommy, is Beth going to... going to... is Beth going to die?"

At the sight of my rueful face, hers crumpled. I turned off the burners, sat on the kitchen floor, gathered my sweet girl onto my lap and held her for 15 minutes as she wrapped her mind around this devastating development, weeping her grief out on my brown nubby sweater.

Later, I asked her what character she would like to be in Little Women if she could choose one to be like. We are so similar in personality, she and I, that I was dumbfounded when she thoughtfully stated that she would like to be Beth. I consider myself a Jo, although I'm sure my sister thinks of me as Amy, and others think of me more as Meg. But no one, NO ONE, would ever think me a Beth.

"Sunshine girl! Beth dies! Why do you want to be Beth?"

"Well, Mommy, even though she had the hardest life, she was the one who everyone trusted and the one who made everyone smile. And she got to Heaven sooner."

Now, sometimes when she answers this way, it's because she wants to give the "right" answer, to say the thing she thinks I want to hear. But this time, it was said with a gentle earnestness and without so much as a glance at my face to see my reaction... she meant it.

In all these years, I have never wanted to be Beth. I suddenly think I missed Mrs. Alcott's point. And I think that, in honor of my daughter, I will read Little Women for the 15th (16th?) time and this time I will be reading with both eyes keenly focused on the impact of sweet, gentle Beth.